Discernment: A Spiritual Battle, Not a Logical One

Michelle Lesley

The way people think, the way we react to environmental stimuli, the way we relate to one another, the way our backgrounds and experiences shape the way we view and interact with the world absolutely fascinates me. It’s probably what led me to pursue degrees in psychology and counseling as well as every sociology, anthropology, criminology, and every other social science -ology elective I could get my hands on when I was in college. What makes people tick? Why does the human mind perceive things the way it does? Why is it that two people can witness the exact same event and come away with two completely different interpretations of it?

Those human-centered constructs and sciences can be helpful when it comes to studying observable behavior, but that’s exactly where their helpfulness ends – at the line of observable human behavior. Statistical psychology can perform a longitudinal study on people who…

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Who Do You Say That I AM?

My heart had searched for you. I longed for truth. For so long I was lost in darkness. I knew of you, but I didn’t KNOW you. But the day I met you, you stood before me, and saturated my spirit with your presence. That day I KNEW. You were my savior, redeemer, and king. You delivered me from evil, and allowed my eyes to see. “Who do you say that I am”? His presence demanded an answer. “You are the son of man, God in the flesh. Besides you there is no other”, I quietly spoke from within. It was you who placed my feet on solid ground, and showed me the path to the life.

JESUS…..quite arguably the most well-known name, and also the most controversial. Virtually all scholars agree on the historical existence of Jesus. His life, teachings, and presence reverberated throughout all history, and forever impacted humanity. We all have heard the teaching, Jesus was born of a virgin, died on a cross, and rose three days later, ascending to the right hand of the Father, and paying the penalty of sin and death. This man challenged religious hypocrites, and performed the miraculous. Remaining humble, Jesus discouraged his followers from boasting. “See to it that no one knows about this”,  Jesus would say. Jesus wanted less focus on the miracles he performed, and more on the message he proclaimed. That message was one that none before him could have repeated. It was one of salvation. Many religious leaders tried to show a way, but Jesus proclaimed; “I am the way, the truth and the life. NOBODY comes to the Father but through me”. Man could never work their way to God, you could never be good enough, but God had paid the price with the shed blood of his innocent son.

That salvation message hung not on who Jesus claimed to be, but who his followers would ultimately identify him as.

“Who do you say that I am”?

This was the question Jesus asked his disciples. “One day as Jesus was praying in private and the disciples were with him, he questioned them, and asked them this very question.

“Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and still others that a prophet of old has risen”, they answered him.

But Jesus asks again: “Who do you say that I am”? Peter replies; “the Christ, son of the living God”. (This same question repeated in Matt 16:13-20, Mark 8:27-30, and John 6:66-71).

Jesus already knew what others’ were saying about him, what mattered was what those closest to him believed. Only those truly belonging to the Father could have possibly known the answer…..He was the ‘Christ’, which means ‘anointed one’. He was the promised messiah. “Blessed are you, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven”, Jesus exclaims.

To truly belong to the Father, you must know the truth about the identity of Jesus. There are only two possible sources which knowledge flows from,  that of the world, and that of God. The world will lie to you about the true identity of Jesus. It will tell you he’s just a man, a good teacher, or maybe even a prophet. Possibly even a ascended master, here to teach you the way to enlightenment….awaken the divine within, Christ consciousness. But the truth lies within God’s Holy word. Jesus wasn’t just some man, he was the word manifested in the flesh, and he was fully man and fully God, co-equal in all authority. The entire old testament was Jesus Christ concealed, while the new testament was Jesus Christ revealed.

As a former new-ager I always believed in a Jesus, but what I believed about him was false. If Jesus had asked me this same question, I would have failed the answer. I would have identified him as a man of divine origin, but I would have failed to acknowledge him as the narrow path back to God. Jesus wasn’t the created, he was the CREATOR. Before he was manifested in the flesh he had many attributes throughout the Old Testament that would later connect to scripture in the New Testament. He is the rock, savior, judge, creator, and the great I AM. This is why false religions of the world will always deviate from the truth, and what God’s word has already identified him as.

Jesus’s impact in the world was so immense, that all religions had to account for him in some way. Jews acknowledge his existence, his crucifixion, and that his followers reported him as risen from the dead. However, they deny his divinity and that he was their promised messiah. In Islam Jesus is revered as a prophet, but his godhood denied. And they deny he was crucified or died on a cross, but believe he will return one day and revive Islam. In Hinduism Jesus is seen as a god, the divine modeling of self-realization, and one of many forms of a “Ishta”. In Buddhism Jesus is seen as a teacher, Holy man, enlightened being, but still just a man none-the-less. And then the New age movement, sees him as an ascended master, something we can attain within, to be as gods….Christ consciousness.

The whole world must account for his existence, and lead you astray, because if they didn’t, you may just find out the truth…..and the truth is far too dangerous. So let the world preach unity, peace, and never division. Make that Jesus one of love and acceptance, never one who says “I come not to bring peace, but a sword”. Never one who says, “the world hates me because I testify that it’s works are evil”, and especially not a Jesus that says he isn’t a way, but THE WAY.

After his death and resurrection he promised his disciples the gift of the Holy Spirit, the spirit of truth. The Holy Spirit would not speak of himself, but lead them unto all truth, exalting Jesus, and illuminating Holy scripture. In Isaiah 11:2 this was prophesied,  “the spirit will rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and fear of the Lord”. Then according to John 14:17 we know the world cannot receive Him, because it neither sees Him or knows Him. It is only by the Holy Spirit that you can truly know him….it is divine knowledge and truth. And it is the TRUTH  that will set you free from this world of darkness.

It is Christ that is the true light, and able to give you true life. In Exodus 17:6 Moses cried out to God that his people were thirsty. He was instructed to take his rod with which he struck the river, and now strike the rock. “Behold, said the Lord, I will stand before you on the rock of Horeb, and water will come out”. This water that quenched the people’s thirst in the wilderness, would later be repeated by Christ when He says in John 4:13, “whoever drinks this water I give, will never thirst again”. Those in Exodus were given a shadow of that to come. And in Isaiah 8:14 it was prophesied, “that he would become a sanctuary, but to the houses of Israel a stone to strike and a rock to stumble over”. In 1 Peter 2:4, Jesus is spoke of as a “living stone which is rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God”. Jesus is the source of living water, and the rock of ages that we must cling too.

Jesus is savior. “Look to me and be saved. All you ends of the Earth! For I am God, and there is no other” (Isaiah 45:22). “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead you will be saved” (Romans 10:10).

Jesus is judge. “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:10). “For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgement to the son” (John 5:22).

Jesus is Light. In Isaiah 60:20 “Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end”. In Psalms “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid”? In John 1:9 “He himself was not the Light, but he came to testify about the Light. 9The TRUE Light who gives light to every man was coming into the world. 10He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him”.…

Jesus is Creator. In Genesis 1:26 “Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness”….Notice the plural ‘us’. This is referring to the Godhead from the beginning. Father, son, and Holy Spirit. In John 1:3 “He was with God in the beginning. 3Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made. 4In Him was life, and that life was the light of men”.…

Jesus is the great I AM. In Exodus in the old Testament God tells Moses when asked who he should say sent him, “God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ In the New Testament Jesus proclaims in John 8:24 “Truly, truly, I tell you,” Jesus declared, “before Abraham was born, I AM!”

Jesus is the First and the Last. In Isaiah 48:12 ““Listen to Me, O Jacob, and Israel, whom I have called: I am He; I am the first, and I am the last. Surely My own hand founded the Earth, and My right hand spread out the heavens; when I summon them, they stand up together” In Revelations 22:13 Jesus proclaims at his second coming “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End”.  All of his creation will praise him, and every knee will bow.

So I ask you….who is Jesus? His true identity is contained and beautifully woven throughout scripture. He is our rock, our savior, our judge, the true light, creator, the great I AM, the first and the last. He is our living water, and the bread of life. Within him is no darkness at all.

But of most importance….HE is the word itself made manifest. It is with His word the world was created, and it is His word that evil will be defeated with.  “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”. The world will try to keep us away from the word and it’s true context. To be able to fully recognize who Jesus is we must have the Holy Spirit who testifies of Jesus through scripture.

“With all my heart I have sought You; do not let me stray from Your commandments. I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You. Blessed are You, O LORD; teach me Your statutes” (Psalm 119:11).…Jesus is my guiding light, I need his word to illuminate my path.

As the world grows dimmer, and deception increases, It is his word you cannot depart from. Hide it in your heart. Jesus is asking all his true disciples…..”who do YOU say that I am”? Only by the power of the Holy Spirit and knowing his word can you answer this correctly. The world and even the church are causing God’s people to perish in ignorance.

What you believe about Jesus matters. If you don’t know the true Jesus, can you be sure Jesus knows you?

“For many will come in My name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many” (Matthew 24:5)

Examine yourself and make sure you are in the faith. Know just who Jesus is. Don’t let the world define him for you.

“If You Abide in My Word, You Are Truly My Disciples”

Truth about Reiki

Reiki is an energy healing modality. It is considered universal life energy; the same as chi, prana, kundalini. They are types of energy that people try to manipulate. Reiki was discovered by a Japanese Buddhist monk, Dr. Mikao Usui. While he was teaching in college, a student asked how Jesus facilitated his healing miracles. This question set off Dr. Usui on a path to answer that question. He wanted to learn occult (secret) healing to help others and bring to numerous countries. He went to the mountains and fasted and prayed for 21 days to achieve an altered state of consciousness. It was at the end of this time that a great spiritual energy came down through the top of his head, and he became “enlightened”, with the ability to heal.

Responsible for the formal aspect of reiki we have today is, Dr. Chujiro Hayashi, who instead of using hand positions, taught ‘atunement’. Mrs. Hayayo Takata is mainly responsible for bringing reiki to the West. She was a Hawaiian native, who was amazed at the healing she had received from receiving reiki treatments herself. She began teaching level 1 and 2 reiki to students. She had trained 22 students by 1980, and that is how it mainly spread throughout the West as the reiki we have now. What’s interesting about all this, is that Dr. Usui’s journey began because he wanted to heal like Jesus. What’s missing is that Jesus is God, he was not just some man that we can emulate and receive powers from the ‘universe’. “Verily, verily, I say to you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climb up some other way, the same is a thief and way robber” John 10:1. In the Bible that thief and liar is Satan. He will give you what you want, so that we can hold the power without following God, or reducing God to an energy or source, instead of a person.

Reiki can be transferred through classes that cost money, and it brings you through an initiation process, called attunements. There are three, sometimes 4 levels of reiki that can be attained. To be able to practice reiki, one must be initiated by a reiki “master”. During this process the master injects his power and secret symbols into the person’s aura, opening their psychic centers; or as known as, the 12 chakras. “For example, initiation for the first degree reiki includes four specific ‘attunements’. The attunements are rather secretive, solemn, short ceremonies during which the master reportedly activates the universal life force by repeating a series of careful, deliberate, and somewhat mysterious movements” (Jacobs, “Reiki: Hands on Healing”, p. 41). When one moves on to the second degree they then can learn to do distance healings.
There are five classic symbols used during initiations to open you up to powers. Cho Ku rei(reiki power symbol)—“placing all of the powers of the universe here”. Sei He Ki(emotional/mental healing)—“God and man become one”. Hon sha Ze Sho Nen(reiki distance healing)—“Having no present, past or future”. And Dai Ko Myo(master symbol)—“Great enlightenment or bright shining one”. I want to point out here that the master symbol is referred to as the bright shining one. The same description describes lucifer in the Bible. All these symbols are the name for spirits. The master symbol is the master demon. Hon-cha-se-shonen, is the contact spirit used to send distance “healing”. Sei He Ki is the spirit guide of reiki, this is the symbol sent to influence the subconscious mind. It can be used to manipulate people. These are just a few of the symbols, and different practitioners can mix up and use other names for symbols, but the fact remains that you are opening yourself and body to be used by demons.

This entire practice is occult, and is spiritism. The symbols drawn around you are spells invoking spirts. Any practice that you must be “initiated”, “activated”, or have energy “transferred” is being led to accept occult powers from lucifer, not God. “A healer always has guides to help her healings. A reiki spirit guide is assigned to every healer from the time of her first degree. As soon as the energy begins to flow in a healing, the reiki guides appear. If they are needed in a session, they take part. By the time the healer receives her reiki 2, their presence is hard to ignore. One guide with reiki 1 becomes several with second and third degree” (Spirit guides and reiki guides, Ascension Now). Reiki is not some unintelligent life force energy. It is connecting you to spiritual beings. These beings are none other than demons; fallen angels. There is nothing Biblical about reiki. You can not follow the narrow path of Jesus, and partake in demonic rituals, ceremonies and initiations. To follow reiki is to serve false gods. It is sinful to sit in front of alters, with pictures of dead reiki masters(spiritualism), various objects, such as incense, candles(honoring spirits), and praying and paying for accepting reiki to open spiritual doorways in your life.

We can not pay to acquire healing powers from the universe. Jesus did not heal in this way. Jesus healed because he was fully man, yet fully God. It is God and God alone who heals; the power is never ours to be had. Everything is in God’s perfect will. Jesus is the source of all life, he said: “come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28). We are to seek healing from Jesus, and him alone. Reiki may initially heal, but put you into demonic bondage as a price you will pay. And when a reiki healing occurs, you will often hear, “oh, I didn’t heal you, reiki did”, giving glory to the spirits they are working with. Reiki can also cost you up to $10,000.00 to receive your master certification. Did Jesus charge? No, he simply said “freely it has been given to you, so freely give”. It’s very common for anything in the occult to cost money and become an almost pyramid type scheme, and to spread its teachings far and wide, sucking as many victims in as possible.

Reiki is nothing more than spiritism and divination. The Bible forbids this, because this is seeking after secret knowledge that God has not revealed. “And when they shall say to you, seek unto wizards that peep, and mutter: should not a people seek unto their God?” (Isaiah 8:19). Reiki is seductive, and gives supernatural experiences and sensations not always found in church. In the Bible it warns of deception, and seducing spirits that will lead you away from the true gospel of Jesus Christ. “Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, and with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they loved not the truth, that they might be saved. And for this God will send a strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: that they all might be damned who believe not the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness” (2 Thess 2:1-12).

Glimpses of My Testimony: Part 3

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it”. ~Matthew 7:13-14

If I only knew how much these words would define my life.  As soon as I said yes to writing a book, this scripture literally showed up everywhere. “Fine, I got it God”! So The Narrow Path would be the title to my book. But at the time I didn’t understand the magnitude of just how narrow that path would become. It was a miracle, an absolute miracle that I had been saved from such a web of lies, but I never expected to find it in the church. Understand this…..there is a false gospel, and a different Jesus. That same new age version of Jesus exists in a growing movement known as the New Apostolic Reformation. It is a mystical miracle movement that seeks to bring back office of Apostle and prophet who receive new revelation. God’s word has merely become a side dish, instead of the main course. The NAR is rapidly growing, and will deceive many. 

“Be assured there is nothing new in theology except that which is false”~ C.H. Spurgeon


Growing up I was always attracted to the mystical. I had various supernatural experiences that led me down a very dangerous path. Fast forward to my early twenties, and I became very involved with yoga and Eastern spirituality. I thought I could just combine Jesus with my practice of yoga and mysticism. I considered myself a Christian mystic. At a certain point in my life I began questioning my spirituality, and seeking to discover who Jesus truly was. As I began to pray to God for answers I had a kundalini awakening that felt blissful at first, but quickly turned into a nightmare, and I became depressed and suicidal. This all became part of God’s plan to shine His light upon the darkness. Having the scales removed from my eyes completely dissolved my view of truth. But I knew that I must leave all behind and follow Jesus.

As I began trying out churches I found myself bored and wanting more. Eventually I felt led to attend a small church close to my house. The first time I heard the pastor preach it was powerful! He was charismatic, and such a great speaker. As time went on, I absolutely loved this church! Everyone there always showered me with such love. It was just what my soul was thirsty for. I remember the first time attending a monthly event called ‘Friday Flow’. It was a spontaneous night of worship, where people could just flow in the spirit. There would be repetitive type worship songs, and prayer to induce  a meditative type state and change the atmosphere. People there would flow in the holy Spirit and have visions and prophecy. I felt completely changed and renewed. As I sat observing and quietly praying, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit encompass my entire being; a warm blanket of peace surrounded me. In an instant I felt my heart soften, and realized for the first time the love of the Father. That was the night I completely gave my life to Christ, and changed dramatically.

I immediately noticed huge changes in myself, and would dive into God’s word, and fast from food. I was trying desperately to get to know my savior. The Lord was with me during this time, but I had no idea how much some of these intense feelings of love would fade. This was a confusing time for me, as I was also going through intense spiritual warfare after my baptism. One thing I always seemed to notice was every time at our Friday flow meetings, and after I would experience the “presence”, I would feel very oppressed. I chalked this up to spiritual warfare, and thought the demons were mad that I was experiencing God. Currently, I’m not too sure that was the case; perhaps I was opening myself up to warfare by engaging in mystical practices. Now I did experience things that could only be from God, but I started to question the manifesting of the environment. I now understand conjuring up a presence, and getting into a trance like state is nothing more than sorcery.

My church seemed very obsessed with signs and wonders, and “experiencing” God. People would get slain in the spirit and often line up to have my pastor (who called himself Apostle), lay hands on them and prophecy. At times he would touch my forehead, and I would go on to have visions and vivid dreams. Sometimes I’d leave feeling high, others may describe this as being “drunk in the spirit”. Everyone spoke in tongues, and I wanted this gift as well. I started becoming obsessed with the gifts and being in God’s so-called presence. Often when I was prophesied over the details were surprisingly accurate, and just looking into the Apostle’s eyes had almost a hypnotic effect. As someone who had been involved in the occult most my life, I have to say the environment felt a bit like witchcraft, and I started to question the difference between psychics and prophets. Many times, at these Friday prophetic worship sessions I would wonder how  this ‘Apostle’ was able to manipulate the environment and call up the Holy Spirit at will. Was the Holy Spirit a power/force or person? If a person, does he not act because of God’s will, not man’s? These are questions I would just push to the side and ignore.

One night I went home and was trying to speak in tongues, and start babbling, when I felt a force rise within me, and I felt something else take control. This excited me, and I thought I was speaking in tongues. However, the next morning I went to open my Bible, and wham! I felt complete darkness surround me. The whole day I felt angry, irritated, bothered by lights and sound. I would sometimes go into rages, and even my son was acting up and strange all day. Later that night I was reading more about tongues, and instantly came across something that pierced my soul with the worst conviction. I knew in an instant God let evil spirits attack me, because the way I tried to conjure up tongues was very wrong. I immediately broke down in tears, and begged God for forgiveness. I was chasing the wrong things; first in new age, now in Christianity. After praying to God about all this, that very day I heard the constant Bible verse “test the spirits”. That same verse even popped on my radio station while driving home from school one day. I got the message loud and clear.

I will never forget the sudden coldness my pastor showed towards me when I asked him if we should test the spirits while trying to get a prayer language. His reaction was very telling. One experience that stood out to me was the next time we had a meeting, which was really like a “soaking” prayer meeting, I remember praying to God through it and asking him to protect me, because I no longer felt confident. Well, strangely enough, God’s “presence” did not show up that night. The pastor seemed shocked, and I felt like I did something wrong. However, God’s presence probably showed up more than I know that evening. Never-the-less, I chose to stay at this church because I made very close friendships there, and I loved the pastor and his wife. They had become like family to me; in fact, the pastor was friends with several of my own family members. I thought this was all meant to be, and this was the church I was always looking for. Being able to tangibly feel God’s presence in a mystical way was everything I searched for. How blessed I felt. Sure, I experienced some weird stuff, but I chalked it up to being somehow my own fault, or just common spiritual warfare.

Things really took a turn for me when my pastor brought his ‘spiritual fathers’ grandson in to our church. He was called a prophet, one that the Holy Spirit told to him was “one of three in all the land that he was raising up for this hour”. The first time I heard this prophet speak, and chant in tongues I was mortified. Everyone around me was almost hypnotized by the presence that entered the room. Except me. I will never forget the absolute dread, and
how literally sick to my stomach I felt. In that moment, my 6-year-old son turned to me in total fear, and said “mom, there’s something very wrong here”.  I knew God was speaking confirmation to me through the innocence of a child. It was completely overwhelming, and this “prophet” was saying things that made zero sense. He was speaking from his own imagination, and even using new age terms. After going home that night I felt strange and had tingling all over my body. I even felt hyper-sexualized. I knew then, that this was kundalini energy. I had experienced kundalini before, and I knew this was NOT the Holy Spirit. I knew in my spirit things were wrong, but just couldn’t bring myself to realize this was all a lie. I began researching who my pastor’s spiritual father was, and he was a head Apostle who sent out other men to start churches under him. He was helping finance these churches. I found videos of him comparing himself to Apostle Paul, and saying he was even better than the 12 Apostles; even teaching that Jesus was a son just like us. It was saying we can be just like Jesus. This is a lie. We are not little god’s. This is Satan’s biggest deception, and what it always comes down to; minimize God, exalt man.

I still stayed at this church for another year, because of feeling like I was experiencing God, and didn’t want to throw that away. I was writing my book about kundalini/new age to Christ and was going to include this church in my book. However, I could no longer ignore the red flags. I humbled myself before God and begged for truth. If I was going to be writing a book, that could be considered teaching, and I wanted to make sure I spoke truth always, because I would be held accountable to God for everything I spoke of him. Well, God honored that prayer, and my whole world fell apart. I was having vivid dreams of my church and seeing spirits inside, I was having nightmares again, and visions of demons (this also happened to me with kundalini). Then my kids started telling me they were hearing voices telling them to hate God. It wasn’t long before that same prophet was going to be visiting my church again. The night before he came to church, I fasted and prayed. Well that night I had a very vivid dream. In this dream the prophet was preaching, and all these people listening looked completely lost, and then I saw a spiritual power fall on people, and it was demonic. I went to see him speak the next day and then vowed I would never return to that church. He was teaching a totally new age form of spirituality, and dominionist theology. They are teaching we must usher in Christ’s return. This is no different than what occultists believe. They also believe in ushering in a false Christ, a type of spiritual evolution. Being in the occult my whole life, I was floored at the connection. The great deception Jesus warned about is coming through the church.

There is so much more I could say about this, but this is just a snippet of what I experienced, but I want you to understand that just because someone claims Jesus’s name, or talks about the Holy Spirit, does not mean they are following Jesus of the Bible. Everything must be tested by the word of God. We must become good Bereans, who were considered very noble for testing everything that came out of the Apostle’s mouth. I even had a profound spiritual fire experience while attending this church. It felt like absolute ecstasy, peace, love, and a burning all over my body. It made me feel exalted, and special. But remember who Satan is; he comes to tempt. I’m not someone who can be offered money, or fame, but I craved spiritual experience. He could have given me a mountain top experience so that I would chase this instead of God himself. It’s no different than craving after a drug. We are to walk by faith, not questing after power, and a thrill.

When I walked away from this church, it was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I suffered severe heart break, and very bad spiritual warfare. There are spiritual powers attached to these mystical movements. I felt like God was not there, and like he had turned his back on me. I started to believe that everything was a lie and sunk back into horrific depression. But this was a time of testing. Would I follow God or man? Even though I was being tormented inside, would I still follow what was in God’s word, or run to what was comfortable and made me feel good? I begged God for truth; even if it destroyed me, and that’s exactly what he was doing. Through it all I chose God. He has since healed me in ways I can never imagine. I have no doubt everything I went through was for a purpose. In the middle of writing my book, God came along and changed my story. Not only did I experience kundalini power from new age, I also found it in the church, and God has walked me through it all, to help speak His truth. My hope for anyone reading this is that you too will seek his truth within his word, and not fall for the enemy’s seduction and lies.

Experiencing all this made me question God. What was real and what wasn’t? I had all these supernatural experiences that sometimes led to panic attacks. But, I truly did change. I loved Jesus with all my heart, and much of my life did a complete 180. After months of prayer, this is how God answered me: “The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:11-13)
Reading these verses struck my heart. All the crazy feelings, and even fire I experienced were loud noises to get my focus off what mattered. But the true Holy Spirit was the quiet voice. He wasn’t in the manifestations, but He was there all along, tugging at my heart, showing me the way. He truly did heal me, and He was everything the word said He would be: self-control, peace, and comfort, love and more than anything TRUTH.


Glimpses of My Testimony: Part 2

I had searched for truth all my life. I knew there was a God; an intelligent designer of this world  that carried His fingerprint in all of nature. I knew Jesus was important, but the revelation that Jesus was God, and that there was no greater name in all creation, was the truth that had evaded me for so long. JESUS was the narrow path, and the only way to salvation. Most importantly there is no greater love than His, and I will never forget the first time I was forever changed from encountering His presence.

This was it. I knew that I was ready to give up anything that hinders my relationship with Jesus. That truth I always searched for…..I had found it. I had been deceived. I was following a lie. I had bit into that same apple that Eve had in the garden of Eden. That same apple was a fruit, and biting into it promised the knowledge of good and evil. It separated me from God, and made me go within myself. Following the New age movement never gave me truth, it only gave me the illusion of truth, and self-reliance. But now more broken than ever, my only strength came from reliance on Jesus, and the veil of spiritual blindness was coming off.

Ohh how I could now see…..and that view was not always pretty. Seeing things in this world for how it really is, is pure darkness. But wow does God’s light shine the brightest in the darkness! And  his light had become a lamp unto my feet…leading my way to safety within His arms. I still had so many questions, but I knew it was time to follow Jesus wherever that path led me.

I began going back to church, and started to read the Bible for the first time. Even while at church I always felt a sense of disconnect and loneliness. I had been through so much, and didn’t feel I could relate to the average church-goer, or so I thought. I wanted to experience more. I eventually left the first church, and ended up at a small church that considered themselves a five-fold ecclesia. It appeared different and interesting to me. They operated in the prophetic, and I craved the  supernatural, so I decided to try it out.

The church was much more welcoming and warm to me and my family, and so I thought I had found my final church home. That following week they were having a “Friday flow” worship night. It was a unrehearsed night of prayer and prophecy. As I walked in that first Friday night, the room was dim and people were in their seats praying, while waiting for the pastor to get some revelation and prophecy over them. I had never experienced this before, and so I sat quietly in my seat praying to God, begging to know him, and ready to surrender all my brokenness. I hungered to know Jesus, and to understand His word.

As I sat in my seat, suddenly something miraculous happened. It was as if a warm blanket of peace fell around me, consuming me in it’s presence. PEACE……peace that surpasses all understanding. A sudden knowing that God’s presence was there, I was not alone, and I never would be. It was during this time that the pastor called over to me….asked me to come up to the alter. He laid hands on me and prayed. He told me that Jesus had begun to reveal himself to me, and that I didn’t need to be afraid. He said I was a woman of justice, and although small in stature, I was mighty in spirit. As he prophesied over me, the words carried a great amount of truth. I felt God was with me. As I made my way back to my seat, I cried, and thanked God for His mercy. So much pain I had went through for so long. But now it was as if this prodigal daughter had felt the Father’s embrace for the first time. I WAS LOVED…..and no one could snatch me out of His hand.

Before that night was over an older woman approached me. she sat down besides me, grabbed my hand, and told me, “the enemy comes around you quite often. He is constantly trying to condemn you, and whispering things in your ear to destroy you. It is about time to tell Satan to get behind you”. She then gave me the biggest hug. I knew what she was saying was true. I always felt like my thoughts weren’t my own, and Satan really was the cause of my depression. But Jesus was restoring my soul, and I was now filled with a joy like never before.

I began feasting on God’s word, and was learning about the weapon of fasting. My first 24 hr fast was amazing! That night I was alone reading my Bible and ended up turning to Psalm 18:2: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold”. As soon as I read that I felt God’s presence fill my living room, and I could barely stand. Next I felt an evil presence follow in after that, but yet didn’t fear. I began to pray while falling asleep that night, and I had a vision of the most hideous demonic faces. I knew that these were the faces God was delivering me from, and started denouncing every new age/occult activity I ever messed with.

The next morning I felt wonderful, and could sense the Holy Spirit all around me. I even had a light within my eyes that I hadn’t encountered in a very long time. They often say that the eyes are a window to your soul, and I barely noticed how dark mine had become. I felt free and alive. I wanted to dance and praise God, because now I was alive, and when I laughed it was now true freedom and joy. All of these things you take for granted while battling the beast of depression. I had finally committed my life to Christ, and was ready to take the next step.

I was ready to get water baptized, and even two of my son’s joined me. This was a precious time, and one where I was professing my public testimony and love for Jesus. As the waves crashed over me, I arose a new creation. I even felt cleaner that day. But it didn’t take long to encounter severe spiritual warfare after my baptism. I was attacked for months. The enemy was out to destroy my mind, will, and emotions. I had belonged to the enemy my whole life. My prior belief  in Jesus just wasn’t enough.

You believe that God is one. Good! Even the demons believe–and shudder”-James 2:19

Now that I had encountered the living God, and was ready to surrender my whole heart to Him, the enemy wasn’t just going to let go. I was terrified. I felt an evil presence around me, and struggled to sleep at night. The enemy was causing problems for me in every aspect of my life. I was caught in the middle of spiritual warfare, and God was allowing it for His own purposes. I was learning to use his word as my sword. I would often fall asleep, tears streaming down my face, and the Bible right besides me.

These were some of the worst times of my life, but I got to experience God’s absolute power, and had to realize that the battle belonged to the Lord. It only required my surrender. There was real inward change happening to me, and all I began to care about was if my life was pleasing to the Lord. I no longer craved alcohol or parties, and stayed away from all darkness. The enemy wanted to scare me away from seeking God, but God’s love and peace were greater. I had found the thing that I would live or die for. Nothing else mattered.

During this time in my life God had showed his mercy and delivered me from pain and years of depression. My search for God and love for the truth were sincere, so God honored that. He kept me close, but as time went on I went through many more painful lessons, and God would end up leading me away from the church I once loved. Once again I would need the Lord’s light to keep me on the narrow path of life.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life–whom shall I be afraid”?–Psalm 27:1

Glimpses of My Testimony: Part 1

 God has placed a void in our hearts that only He can fill. But the enemy has laid out an intricate web of lies, lies that have never changed since the book of Genesis, only repackaged. Searching for God within the New Age movement only left behind emptiness. God wants to reveal His love and truth, but that truth is found in God’s word, and is manifest in His Son, and revealed through His spirit.

One of my earliest memories as a child was waking up alone in my bed, watching a full-bodied apparition of a woman approaching me, her eyes meeting mine. Her face I will always remember. This spirit appeared to me for a reason, the battle was just beginning. Often throughout my childhood I would encounter supernatural events that seemed to only target me. I was plagued by horrible nightmares and apocalyptic dreams that I can still vividly remember today. All of this fueled my desire for the supernatural; I knew there was more to this world than meets the eye, and I searched for what I could find beyond the veil.

I grew up in a Christian household. My mom from a catholic background, and my Dad a born again Christian. I attended church on Sundays with my family, and would say I believed in Jesus. But just because you believe someone exists, does not mean you know them. During this time in my life I felt such a seductive pull to study the occult. I became obsessed with anything metaphysical; hauntings, astrology, tarot cards, psychics, angels, and any hidden knowledge I could find. I thought Biblical Christianity was too narrow minded, and God couldn’t possibly be contained in just the Bible. I was a rebellious teenager, and although searching for spirituality, I certainly didn’t care for morality. There were times I would sink into deep depressions, and encounter an eerie presence around me at night. I was always very sensitive to the supernatural, and I have no doubt during this time my gifts were being used against me, and spirits were beckoning me to follow into darkness.

Looking back through the years it is easy to see God calling me, but I never stopped to listen. As a teenager I attended a youth group at church, and became friends with a kid there who professed to be “born again”. He would often talk with me about Jesus. I found him a bit strange, but never-the-less interesting. I enjoyed our conversations on the phone, and he would always seem to call me whenever I needed it most. The more I dove into the occult, the more depression I would experience. On some of my darkest days, my friend would call me, and it was almost as if Jesus was speaking through him to me. One day we got on the topic of the supernatural and I told him about the apparition I had seen. He Simply told me,  “that spirit you saw was not a ghost, it was a demon; there to plant a seed of interest so you would follow darkness”. His comment sent chills up my spine, but also angered me. I didn’t like his answer, but it would be seared in my memory, and I had no idea how prophetic that remark would become.

I was always searching for a smorgasbord of spirituality, and so I hated the word “religion”. I felt more enlightened because of my open mindedness to look outside the Bible. But as time went on I was plagued by the grips of deception, and would feel such a weight of darkness suffocating me, often fearing my own room at night. I remembered my mother had a Jesus prayer hung on her wall, and I grabbed it to hang in the corner of my room. That night I prayed to this Jesus I really didn’t know.  I slept in perfect peace; something I hadn’t been able to feel in awhile. There was something about the name of Jesus. This would be my first encounter with the power His name holds to overcome.

Later in life, as I was in college, and after having my first couple of children, I began caring about what type of values I would raise my kids with. I began really searching for what it was I really believed. I took world religion classes, and loved philosophy. I was intrigued by Buddhism and Hinduism. I loved the peaceful spirituality, and the body mind connection. But yet, I still loved Jesus, and somehow knew he was important, but thought it would be great to just intertwine them all. During this part of my life I was still struggling with depression, and anxiety to the point of panic attacks at times. I had been taking antidepressants for years, and they worked for the most part, but I wanted to look for more holistic measures, because of my keen awareness to the spiritual realm.

I began getting into yoga and meditation practice. The breathing, the postures, the connection I felt to God was amazing. I loved it. I was learning about chakras, and reiki healing. It seemed so peaceful. I found something that I wanted to share with the world, and was determined to become a psychiatric nurse, and then get certified as a yoga instructor, and perhaps reiki master. I wanted to heal people, and I had really good intentions. In fact, one of my really good friends was a yoga instructor and reiki master. I couldn’t wait to enroll in one of her teacher trainings.

I was at a period of my life where I did want to know who Jesus was, but I thought I could worship him in metaphysical ways, such as yoga and meditation. I was becoming very good at meditating, and felt like I could completely shut down my mind. Sometimes I would go to sleep at night and feel like my spirit could float right out of my body. There were other times I could shut my eyes and yet still see everything around me. It was as if I had supernatural sight. This was described often in teachings about opening your third eye. I thought I was becoming more awakened, but actually I was becoming more blind.

As I became more interested in yoga, I was preparing myself to sign up for an upcoming teacher training. As I read the itinerary coming up for that weekend, I notice we had to read and study the Bhahavada Gita. This was a Hindu religious text, and even though I loved the spirituality, I suddenly felt weird about the whole thing. If I was going to be teaching exercise, why did I need to study it’s religious roots? That’s when I began to pray and ask God if this was really the right path for me to be on. I told God I wanted to help others with mental illness, and honor Jesus. What would he have me do? This one prayer to God would be one of the biggest turning points of my life.

I continued with yoga, and tried incorporating God into my spiritual routine, and meditations. I thought that there would be nothing wrong with simply adding Jesus into my Eastern spirituality. In one particular class during a long meditation, I started praying for the Holy Spirit. That’s  when I suddenly saw the most brilliant colors, and left that yoga studio feeling almost high, but better than any drug. It wasn’t long after that I was obsessed with yoga like never before, and even felt an almost uncontrollable urge to break out into yoga poses. I started feeling energy surges through my whole body, and they would increase every time I got my body into poses. Amongst this new high, I also began having frightening visions, and experienced sleep paralysis. I began going to this yoga studio that was very spiritual, and the yoga instructor was speaking of kundalini yoga, and was radiating with such happiness and peace. Everyone in the room was deep into their practice, when suddenly I felt a very thick presence and an uneasiness fill the room. For the first time my attention was turned to all the Hindu idols that filled every corner of the studio, but this time I had a deep knowing that they were evil. They were false god’s, and I could see how our every posture paid homage to these demons. I left that night and never wanted to go back.

I’ve always been sensitive to the spirit realm, and doing spiritual forms of yoga, and meditation that altered my consciousness had started awakening kundalini power. I began having sensations and vibrations travel up my spine. I would also experience a lot of lower back aches, and other times feel completely disoriented. Visions kept coming, and at one particular instance, as soon as I lay down to go to sleep, I shut my eyes; only to experience a vision of a demon staring down at me. At another time while laying on my couch, I felt something come over and touch me on my forehead, right where your third eye would be. I began feeling tormented. One morning I was standing in my bathroom, while feeling these sensations further travel up my back, and an immense sense of doom. In that moment I screamed out for Jesus, and to my surprise, those sensations stopped! I stood in shock as my back no longer hurt, and there was a peace that cleared the air. I began to cry and pray. Once again, that name I leaned on since childhood was my place of protection.

I remembered my prayer to God as I embarked on this yoga journey. I had asked him for truth, I had asked if this was the path He wanted me on. In a single moment I felt like my eyes began to open. I was now realizing truth, and that truth was found in no one else except Jesus. I knew Jesus was calling me to follow him, but I was devastated at all the deception I had found. What was I to do now? If yoga and meditation could be dangerous, what options were left? Would I just become a practitioner, and only offer psychiatric medication to people? But as I would come to find out, Jesus was the only spirituality my soul needed. I would spend weeks researching the new age movement, and the rabbit hole never seemed to end. As I studied the history of yoga, I realized the true intent that it was brought to the West for. It was actually a deceptive mass missionary effort to lead people away from true Christianity. Also I realized in the field of psychology there was a well known phenomenon called kundalini syndrome, even listed in the DSM-IV, which is a book of psychiatric disorders. However, It was looked at as a spiritual issue.  Kundalini syndrome was defined by psychotic and schizophrenic type symptoms. I couldn’t believe something being pushed as just exercise had very dangerous implications, and never any warning offered.

The enlightenment I sought after was an emptiness,  a type of death. This was very different from Jesus. Jesus came to give life, and he never asked us to blank out our minds and alter our consciousness. In fact we are to be always be sober minded and alert, filling our mind with His word which is life sustaining. A huge eye opener for me was reading the book by Johanna Michaelson called The Beautiful Side of Evil. The Bible warns us that Satan comes as an angel of light, and evil truly can be beautiful. “Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee is not darkness” (Luke 11:35).

God is real, and His presence is beautiful. He has healed me of my depression, and put His spirit within me. The journey has been long, and I would later find out that even the churches aren’t immune from occult influences, but my love of truth has kept me under His wing, and he has restored everything the enemy has tried to steal from me, and I don’t deserve His love at all!!! There is so much in this world vying for your attention, so many distractions luring you astray, but Jesus is waiting to lead you back to Him. If you don’t know him, seek until you find him. HE is the true vine…….


The Journey Begins

There are two forces operating within our world; one is darkness, and one is light. Darkness often masquerades as light, coming to deceive and tempt us.  This epic battle is as old as time, and goes back to the garden of Eden. God had one way planned for humanity and required our ultimate obedience. It is through that obedience and walk with God that keeps us close to him and our feet from slipping. We are always offered what is forbidden, and that apple doesn’t look bad; in fact, it looks beautiful, shiny, and sweet. It appeals to our human appetite. It appears GOOD! But as we bite into it, we are being destroyed, and suffer separation from God. We have been warned that the way is narrow and few will find it. We as humans are searching for meaning, but apart from God’s true light, we stumble in darkness. There are many different spiritual paths, littered with lies, but one is often overlooked because we have an enemy that has made sure to blind our sight.

Follow me on my journey from the spiritual blindness of the new age, yoga, occult, and mysticism, to the path that you will find when you seek, and knock. This is the path to truth, to God’s marvelous light……..this is the path to finding JESUS!

Thanks for following me on this journey! This is a personal blog that will be connected to a book I’m writing about my testimony from new age to Christ, and then my time spent in a New Apostolic Reformation Church, which became eerily similar to the new age I had just left. God has remained faithful through it all, and it is His word that I cling to.

“I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will

have the light of

life”. –JOHN 8:12